TheDarkMan’s Predictions For 2022

In January, the Center For Disease Control announces the next strain of Covid-19 will be called the pi variant because it will go on forever.

In February, the Biden Administration finally closes the southern border after Ron DeSantis sends a coachload of illegal immigrants to the homes of Nancy Pelosi, Gavin Newsom and Cory Booker where they break in and claim squatters’ rights.

In March, after a semi-literate Black Lives Matter supporter in Minneapolis learns the Prophet Muhammad kept slaves he rounds up an angry mob who storm the local mosque intending to burn it to the ground. They are rebuffed by the congregation, and seven of them end up in hospital with gunshot and sword wounds.

In April, Rachel Maddow celebrates her forty-ninth birthday and proves she really was born on April Fool’s Day when she releases a new batch of documents including fake photographs given her by Christopher Steele that purport to prove Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin had a threesome with Benazir Bhutto in a Russian hotel on the tenth anniversary of 9/11. The programme is quietly deleted three hours after its release when several people contact MSNBC and point out that Bhutto was assassinated in 2007.

In May, Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull is arrested for inciting hatred against trans women, but the case is dropped when it is revealed that rapist and murderer Wayne Couzens had been granted a request to transfer to a women’s prison after self-identifying as a 19 year old girl, then gone on to rape three inmates and a female warder.

In June, Patrisse Cullors, is acutely embarrassed when she receives a special award from Forbes magazine for building a twenty million dollar property empire in record time.  Her former friends at Black Lives Matter are not impressed and report her to the Internal Revenue Service.

In July, world leaders attending a conference on global warming in the Bahamas are acutely embarrassed when it snows there for the first time since 1977.  It is so cold that several delegates are admitted to hospital for hypothermia when the sparsely used hotel central heating system freezes overnight.

In August, Jussie Smollett is released from prison early. On arriving at his empty apartment he interrupts burglars and is badly beaten, but no one believes him until the following month when the same three felons are arrested breaking into the home of Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot.

In September, Twitter finally goes bankrupt. Its shareholders are not amused at the size of the redundancy payments dished out to its senior managers.

In October, Don Lemon is accused of sexually harassing a female guest on his show. The woman is ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation.

In November, two thugs in the American capital make the mistake of attacking a lone woman walking to her car. Tulsi Gabbard disarms the gunman, who runs off, and puts his partner-in-crime in hospital.

In December, Hillary Clinton is finally indicted under the Espionage Act, three days after her husband leaves the country quietly for Beijing where he claims political asylum.