In a development catching the political world by surprise, U.S. president Donald Trump announced to the world via Twitter this morning that Greek prime minister Alexis Tsipras has been fired, effective immediately. Trump tweeted:
“Flew in to Athens this morning on AF1 and met with Alexis Tsipras. Told him “YOU’RE FIRED.” #Greece deserves better. We’re going to Make Greece Great Again.”
In a follow up tweet, Trump elaborated:
“Know all about hostile takeovers from the business world. We are not hostile towards #Greece but when leadership is failing they have to go. Must go. Tsipras has been FIRED. Make Greece Great Again! #MGGA”
In a press conference at the Maximou Mansion in Athens shortly afterward, Trump stated:
“I ran for president of the United States of America on a pledge to drain the swamp. It’s a difficult job but I’m the man for the job. The swamp has ruled Greece for far too long and it’s time to put a stop to this and make our friend and ally, Greece, great again. We are going to get down to business starting now and we will Make Greece Great Again.
My administration will get down to work, Eric [Trump] is going to be in charge of day-to-day operations and I’ll spend my weekends here, fixing this mess.
We will hold new elections and the Greek people will be freed from the swamp, which has ruled for far too long. Way too long. We know fake news is a yuge problem in Greece, except for those guys from Hellenic Insider whom I read every day. We are going to fight back against fake news. There will be no more fake news.
We are going to oust the EU and troika swamp as well. The Greek people deserve their country back. They deserve their currency back, their future back. We are going to tell the EU and the troika that they are out. They are fired. This is going to be yuge, very yuge, and we are going to bring Greece back again and Make Greece Great Again.”
When asked about the status of Alexis Tsipras and his cabinet, Trump said:
Trump also added some levity to the situation. When asked how he will handle the provisional duties of running Greece, he quipped:
“Silly Alex Tsipras is under house arrest at this time, as are the members of his government and many members of parliament past and present. From several parties. They will be tried for their actions against the Greek people and this proud country. Greece gave us democracy, and we will bring in fresh blood, Greek blood, capable Greeks, and only Greeks, to make Greece Great Again. Tsipras is fired, little Sack O’ Lottos [referring to Euclid Tsakalotos] is fired, the inexcusable Kotzias and Kammenos are fired, they are all FIRED effective immediately. SYRIZA is out.
I know that you have had some issues with Turkey but I like to make deals. It’s called art of the deal. We are in talks to trade Tsipras and some others to Turkey for your two soldiers. We will get down to business, we will make it happen, we will Make Greece Great Again, we will bring them home.”
Tsipras has been in a catatonic state since his firing, not unlike the condition he was in during his meeting with former U.S. president Barack Obama. Rumors on the internets have also suggested that now former defense minister Panos Kammenos, during his arrest, begged to see Trump and asked for his autograph.
Used to eat at Greek restaurants in New York all the time, learned a lot of Greek from the owners of those places. My Greek is better than Silly Alex’s English, I can tell you that. Love Greek food, loved it in New York. Can’t wait to try yours. Can’t wait. I love Olympiacos as well, yuge, yuge team. The attacks against them will stop now. The only Grexit that will happen under my watch is exiting the eurozone which has hurt you for too long. Too long. We will make your teams great again.”
Russian president Vladimir Putin was the first world leader to congratulate Trump on his takeover, in a statement released by the Kremlin on Sunday afternoon. Describing Greece as a historic friend of Russia, he stated that he looked forward to developing new and closer ties with a stronger Greece, adding his hope that this takeover will lead to a new era of more positive relations between Russia and the western world.
Relax! This is satire. Laugh, it’s good for you!