Saying goodbye to Obama’s clowns

On their surrealistic 1974 concept album The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway, the musical band Genesis performed a song called The Grand Parade Of Lifeless Packaging. I can think of no better title for the key figures of the Obama administration who will soon be parading their way out of a job.

But in the spirit of Donald Trump putting America back to work again, I think I may find a derelict building somewhere in Manhattan and open up a comedy club. I’ve already got the acts all lined up.

Here’s who it would be:

John Kirby:

Kirby is famous for his outbursts, although his delivery and timing need a bit of work if the soon to be ex-Assistant Secretary of State is going to cut it in the comedy world. He frequently stands behind his podium raging like a maniac, but he is not only unconvincing, he seems rather unconvinced by his own lack of logic.

Recently he lost his rag with the calm, intelligent and firm RT reporter Gayane Chichakyan. Chichakyan asked Kirby about the double standards the US applies when reporting on the situation in Syria. Kirby responded by demonstrating that the only standards he upholds are indeed, double-standards. Kirby said that he would ‘not put RT on the same level’ as other journalists before calling it a ‘state-owned outlet’.

Last month I told Mr. Kirby to ‘kirby his enthusiasm’. He clearly didn’t do so.

Jen Psaki:

Jen Psaki is best remembered as the spokeswoman for the US State Department in spite of the fact that she’s not a particularly good speaker. Now she’s the outgoing White House Director of Communications in spite of the fact that she cannot communicate even the simplest concepts.

If her moronic selfie supporting the fascist regime in Kiev wasn’t bad enough, her inability to answer questions without looking like a startled deer in the headlights would almost inspire pity, if she didn’t match this countenance with some of the most inane responses to sensible questions.

Some of her most brilliant moments of rhetorical elegance include such statements as, “We have determined that we do not need to make a determination”, “I’m not going to play backseat quarterback” (I didn’t realise American football could be played in a car, thanks for that, Jen) and finally “It’s not about being right or wrong”.

Of course during her many press conferences when she was supposed to provide journalist with updates, she continually would say that she has no updates to provide.

Stay confused, Jen.

John Kerry:

John Kerry is a master of the one-liner. During his failed 2004 bid for the White House he said, “I was for the Iraq war, before I was against it”. We still do not know what that statement actually means, but in any case, he was just warning up.

Kerry is the man who called RT a ‘propaganda bull horn’ and more recently he accidentally admitted to living in a ‘parallel universe’ vis-à-vis those who actually understand what’s going on in Syria. His leaked conversation with terrorist forces operating in Syria where he more or less said that he’d really like to break international law a bit more if only he could, is a bit like a grandfather trying to explain why he can’t get his granddaughter both the doll house and the pony for Christmas.

When speaking about media transparency on terrorism, Kerry once said, “Perhaps the media would do us all a service if they didn’t cover it quite as much. People wouldn’t know what’s going on”.

Kerry’s self-righteous indignation is worthy of the best Pagliacci wannabes on this side of the Tiber. His self-contradictory one liners will be very much missed.

Samantha Power:

The most ironically named women in the history of international diplomacy will likely soon be gone from the world’s stage. Barack Obama’s ambassador to the UN is famous for ignoring and disregarding the words of other diplomates. It’s rather undiplomatic to say the least.

What she is good at doing is issuing statements about how Russia is to blame for EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING. When she wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, which judging by her consistently dower mood, is most days, it’s the fault of Russia. Don’t ask why, if you don’t accept it, she’ll only talk more. She is a total disgrace to diplomacy, great at dead pan comedy though.

Ashton ‘Ashtray’ Carter:

On the smouldering heap of fire that is Obama’s foreign policy, Ash Carter is literally the ash head. He’s never met a bomb he doesn’t like nor a war he doesn’t want to wage. He once threatened to review the ‘nuclear playbook’. Maybe when he’s out of his current job, he can start ‘Nuclear Playbook Magazine’. Full-frontal naked aggression plus exciting interviews with other assorted blood thirsty lunatics.

This is one smoldering ash which the world will be eager to stub out. But every good  comedy club needs a few ashtrays, now don’t they?

So this is goodbye. We’ve known each other for so long. But nothing lasts forever, not even a political regime of blood thirsty maniacs and incompetent fools. If not prison, I suppose comedy is always an option.

On that note…