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You Bernie Suckers Are Going to Get Fooled Again

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

Editor’s Note: did you know there is a special Kurt column on Wednesdays? A third per week! Sign up here to become a Townhall VIP member to get it. You’ll also get exclusive access to his VIP podcast “Unredacted”.

If you are dumb enough to slobber over a socialist then you’re already inclined toward being a hapless mark, so it should be no surprise that you Bernie dorks are about to get screwed over again by the Democratic Party. Here’s how it’s going to go: Because you are stupid – you support a socialist, so you are presumptively stupid – you think that if you work really hard and win the votes the establishment creeps who own the Democratic Party are going to let you have a say. But, like last time, you won’t get a say. You’ll work real hard – maybe if you worked really hard at actual jobs you wouldn’t be half-wit socialists – and you’ll win the votes, and all your dreams will die as you end up with the nomination going to a malignant midget multi-zillionaire.

I don’t know exactly how they are going to do it – more convenient caucus kerfuffles, super-delegates, shenanigans at the convention – but there is no way your masters will ever let you win. Like I said, you’re socialists, and therefore stupid, so you will get cheated and you will end up having to vote for the Verne Troyer of American big-money politics.

And, like the obedient saps you are, you’ll do it.

Now, at this point, you probably have some complaints about this column. By complaining, you can temporarily distract from the indisputable fact that your own foolishness has put you in the position of being crushingly humiliated by the Democratic elite once again. Let me briefly address your whiny protests.

Yes, I say “socialist” like it’s a bad thing. This is because it’s a very bad thing. Like, to the tune of 100 million corpses bad thing. I’ve actually lived in the ruins of socialism and you, well, you had a man-bunned sociology TA tell you it was swell. And you believed him because you are a dupe. Be glad that I am assuming that you are stupid instead of the only other reason one would ever cavort with these blood-stained goblins: that you are evil.

But he’s a “democratic socialist,” you interject, because you are stupid. Would you feel fine with a “democratic Nazi?” Actually, you probably would, since Nazis are just a genre of socialist with white and black added to the color palette.

Then you’ll claim that the Box Boy won’t be the nominee, no, one of the other pouty posse will get it. Maybe Biden will. You totally want to vote for a guy who thinks his powder-diving, dancer-diddling loser son should totally be getting $83K a month. Man, if you got money like that you could move out of your parents’ place! Or maybe Audie Buttigieg – he seems plausible. No, I’m not laughing! And then there’s Big Chief Sanders Lite. Maybe she could get elected. Really, I’m not laughing. Okay, then Amy Klobuchar – no, I’m not laughing, I’m just scratching my head wondering why she is even still in. Face it. The only viable option besides Vermont Stalin is Scrooge McSuck.

And your next protest will be that Donald Trump is worse than Mini Mike. In fact, you’ll say, Trump is like Hitler combined with…well, Hitler is the only dictator you don’t like, so we’ll just stick with “He’s literally Hitler for real!” Again, you have been suckered. If you were actually raging against the machine rather than aspiring to be a cog in it, you would back him. Now, you may not like it, and you may be too dumb to see it, but Trump is the only disruptor of the establishment in this race. Short Stuff’s gnome-ination is designed to re-establish the establishment. And mark my words: you’ll help him do it.

Yeah, I bet Wall Street is quivering in its collective Guccis over the muffled pitter-patter of the tiny little footsteps of the approaching Bloomberg administration. Bloomberg is not just an eager supporter of the globalist vision but a leading advocate, the Dwarf King of Davos. Trump, not so much. But you’ve been told to hate Trump, and like obedient little ants, you hate him.

In fact, you hate Trump so much that you will vote for the polar opposite of your crusty commie hero even after your preference has been torn from your soft little hands yet again. If you wanted to burn down the system, Trump would be your man. But you don’t…not really. You just want some scraps, like getting out of your loans or making other people pay for your doctor and you’ll be happy. That’s why you’ll give your general election vote to the Stop ‘N Frisk Doughboy even as you assure yourself that the guy who got minority unemployment to record lows is the big, bad racist in this race.

You’ve been had. You’ll cry, but you’ll still go along with the scam as this all plays out.

Suddenly, the media will turn on the Bern in a coordinated attack. Oh wait, that’s happening. Then Frodo Moneybags will start buying off individuals and liberal groups. Oh wait, that’s happening too. Crusty has-been Sam Donaldson decided to show off his new blonde rug during his endorsement; so many more are coming. And I bet it’s not his cash but the power of Mikey’s ideas…okay, now I am laughing.

There will be more primary and caucus “surprises,” except the only people who will be surprised are you suckers. If it gets as far as the convention, your masters will adjourn to the un-smoke-filled rooms and decide for you who you will vote for. And you’ll whine and winge and ultimately obey like the good little suckers you are.

See, you bought into the idea that another four years of prosperity and peace under Donald Trump is much, much worse than reinstalling the party apparatus that has screwed you over in the last two cycles. You’ll ignore the economy, the lack of new wars, the trade rebalancing, and all the other stuff and instead focus on what your masters have commanded you to focus on: that Trump tweeted something mean. Oh, and Russians.

And here’s why you will let the Democrat puppetmasters succeed. It’s because you are stupid. Now, you could stop being stupid. You could refuse to play along. You could even insist Bernie run as a third-party candidate. I like that because it guarantees Trump II: Fossil-Fuel Generated Electric Boogaloo. But it would serve your interests too by forcing the party to recognize and respect you instead of assuming you’ll fall into line once again. But you won’t. You’re all talk and no revolution. Take off that Che t-shirt and put on one with Mini Mayor’s pouty little mug on it. He’s your man. You’re all Bloomberg Bros. Just give it time.

You’re saps, and you’ll take whatever you’re given and tell yourself you like it.

Speaking of what might happen if America’s urban dummies were foolish enough to elect an out socialist, check out my latest conservative thriller, Collapse, along with the other entries in the best-selling series, People’s Republic, Indian Country, and Wildfire.  America breaks in two as leftist foolishness, and evil, becomes unbearable. Action and liberal bashing ensue. Get them all, and also check out my Townhall VIP podcast, “Unredacted” every Monday as well as my new Hugh Hewitt-affiliated Salem podcast, “Fighting Words”!

https://townhall.com/columnists/kurtschlichter/2020/02/20/you-bernie-suckers-are-going-to-get-fooled-again-n2561582

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The statements, views and opinions expressed in this column are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Duran.

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Christopher
Christopher
February 24, 2020

I kept reading, expecting it to be satire, but nope. Christoforou is apparently legitimately ignorant — so much that he believes Hitler was a socialist! He always did seem a little off to me. Now it all makes sense.
(Oh, btw, I won’t be participating in the upcoming capitalist elections. I have to rearrange my sock drawer that day.)

Plus ca change
Plus ca change
Reply to  Christopher
February 24, 2020

I’m a capitalist. Nothing wrong with putting capital to work. It’s when it’s put to work buying politicians that irks me.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Christopher
February 24, 2020

Of course, Hitler was a socialist. He was a national socialist. That’s what his party’s name and programme was: “NATIONALSOZIALISMUS”, shortened to NAZI.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Olivia Kroth
February 24, 2020

The above comment is my answer to CHRISTOPHER (not to Plus ca change). Dear Christopher, instead of calling our valiant and hard working editor Alex Christoforou “legitimately ignorant”, please be so kind and push this button which is a link (right under photo it says: Visit direct link). I hope you won’t need new reading glasses? They might come in handy even for rearranging your sock drawer, otherwise you might mix up green and red.

https://townhall.com/columnists/kurtschlichter/2020/02/20/you-bernie-suckers-are-going-to-get-fooled-again-n2561582

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Olivia Kroth
February 24, 2020

Here is a bit of satire about the foolish Sanders on Fox News: Russian pranksters say they fooled Bernie Sanders by posing as Greta Thunberg — A pair of Russian pranksters claim they called Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders posing as teenage climate change activist Greta Thunberg with an offer to support his campaign. Vladimir Kuznetsov and Alexey Stolyarov Told the Associated Press the call took place in December 2019. The pair posted an audio recording of the purported call to YouTube. On the call, a female pretends to be Thunberg and Stolyarov plays her father, Svante. They offer to… Read more »

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Olivia Kroth
February 24, 2020

Foolish Sanders and dimwit Greta the Thuna, what an ideal pair. Like Pat et Patachon, or Dick und Doof. They could make the circus rounds.

oldandjaded
Reply to  Christopher
February 24, 2020

Christoforou didn’t write it, he linked to it. A narrow distinction, but he didn’t write it.

Tjoe
Tjoe
Reply to  Christopher
February 24, 2020

The article was written for Townhall. AlexC. has better discernment than the author of this article (hope).

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Tjoe
February 24, 2020

Alex Christoforou and Alexander Mercouris just discussed in their new youtube video how foolish the old fool Sanders reacted, calling Russia’s President Putin an “authoritarian thug”. I agree wholeheartedly with them.

Kolokol
Kolokol
Reply to  Christopher
February 25, 2020

Christoforou didn’t write this.

Druid in Uruguay
Druid in Uruguay
February 24, 2020

I am so tired of “capitalist vs. socialist” and “republican vs. democrat” that I could spit. Is there any fu**ing common ground in between or are there only the the extreme ends of the political spectrum? Have you noticed ANY changes in foreign policy between Clinton and Bush and Obama and Trump? I thought not. The Billionaires / Oligarchs LOVE to see the faux battles and name calling raging among the plebs. Bread and circuses like never before. Mostly circuses. It’s time to stop watching reality TV and purposefully go about the important task of dividing the U$$A up into… Read more »

BobValdez
BobValdez
February 24, 2020

Yep, I agree. The dumb-arse liberal snowflake lefties are going to get a giant dick shoved through their sphincters, AGAIN, and so will ol’ Bernie. The dumb old bastard will just smile again and take up the butt, AGAIN.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  BobValdez
February 24, 2020

I dislike Sanders, not because he is supposedly a “socialist” (or not a “socialist”) but because he called Russia’s President Putin a dictator. How would he deal with Russia if he became President of the USA? But not to worry, he will not be President. Trump will be reelected, who has a much more diplomatic and sound way of dealing with Russia and President Vladimir Putin. Sanders and his followers will ge “sucked” again, the author of the above text, KURT SCHLICHTER, is right. Sanders is simply not presidential material, he is an old fool. Even his posture is awful.… Read more »

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Olivia Kroth
February 24, 2020

Sanders: the fool on the hill. This whole election in the USA is a farce.

Michael Woodbridge
Michael Woodbridge
February 24, 2020

To automatically condemn a person because they might be described as socialist is the kind of mindset which exchanges intelligent thinking for dogma. The value of The Duran is that it provides a nuanced approach to current affairs whereby each issue is considered on its own merits and not according to some hackneyed shibboleth.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Michael Woodbridge
February 24, 2020

I agree and also like the DURAN’s nuanced approach to current affairs. For my taste, though, there are too many US elections texts right now. As if nothing else mattered (or nearly nothing). Living in Europe, I get a bit tired of all that stink coming across the pond to Europe.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Olivia Kroth
February 24, 2020

And the constant Russophobia in the USA is also beyond me. From here in Europe, this sounds entirely childish. President Putin and Russia will not go away. The USA will have to deal with it.

oldandjaded
Reply to  Michael Woodbridge
February 25, 2020

“The value of The Duran is that it provides a nuanced approach to current affairs whereby each issue is considered on its own merits and not according to some hackneyed shibboleth.”

You don’t spend much time in the comment section, do you? 😉

Piero Colombo
Piero Colombo
Reply to  Michael Woodbridge
February 25, 2020

Can we please skip the old story of pro or con socialism, and for once be serious and concentrate on the message?
Now forget Schlichter’s (not Christoforou’s) anticommunism etc. and the relative ideologic apparatus. Tell me what is wrong with his characterization of the Democrat idiocy and his prediction that they will dance to he sheepdog’s tune and line up behind Bloomberg (or whomever Bloomberg owns.) They always did and they always do.

That is the discussion, not the infantile nonsense about imperial warmonger people who call themselves “socialist”, or those who call Democrat imperialist warmongers “socialist”.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Piero Colombo
February 25, 2020

Infantile nonsense is spouted a lot in comments here, you are right; the wannabe socialists get so upset that their candidate was a lame duck in 2016, is a lame duck now and will always remain a lame duck as long as he lives. Face it and deal with it.

JanetC
February 24, 2020

Wow, the Duran has finally reached the bottom of the barrel with this ignorant piece of garbage. Whoever wrote it clearly has no idea of what Sanders’ policy proposals are…and they are not “socialist.” Cancelling student debt (most European countries offer free or low-tuition education); single payer health care (found throughout Europe and many Asian countries); less military spending and no more regime change wars (how “socialist” is that?). These are not “socialist” policies, but just good democratic “for the people” policies that can be found from Canada to Taiwan. The Duran had better start actually reading the articles it… Read more »

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  JanetC
February 24, 2020

If you click on the link, you will see that an author with the name of KURT SCHLICHTER wrote this text. It appeared in TOWNHALL.

https://townhall.com/columnists/kurtschlichter/2020/02/20/you-bernie-suckers-are-going-to-get-fooled-again-n2561582

Piero Colombo
Piero Colombo
Reply to  Olivia Kroth
February 25, 2020

At any rate, it’s past time for the Duran to stop putting wrong and misleading bylines under the article titles. It’s inviting trouble.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Piero Colombo
February 25, 2020

What wrong and misleading bylines? I do not see any wrong and misleading bylines, I only see hordes of ignorant commenters who don’t even know how to get to the original text with a link and spout quantities of nonsense here. Bernie suckers alright! With those kind of people you will not get anywhere near the presidency. Losers! Douche bags!

Joe
Joe
February 24, 2020

The author of this obviously doesn’t know what socialism actually is. There is no socialist party, or candidate, in the USA. Except, of course, “socialism” for the banks and uber wealthy.
Denigrating people for being “socialist” when you don’t know the meaning of the word is a typical US thing.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Joe
February 24, 2020

There is no socialist candidate in the USA. But there are plenty of foolish candidates, and Sanders is one of them. Calling Russia’s President Putin an “authoritarian thug” was a very stupid thing to say. He has no idea how to deal with foreign heads of states, he is not a politician, let alone a president. As President of the USA he would have to deal with Putin, Orban, Boris Johnson and many other strong-willed leaders around the world, with Xi Ping in China, with Duterte in the Philippines, with Erdogan in Turkey, with Bolsonaro in Brazil, with the Saudi… Read more »

Christian J. Chuba
Christian J. Chuba
February 24, 2020

Socialism isn’t Communism.

Yeah, it hasn’t worked that well in Venezuela either, especially after we stole CITGO and imposed a global trade embargo against them and why did we do that, did they blow up any of our buildings or kill any of us like the Saudis? Nah … we did it because they are soooocialists.

Wes Baker
Wes Baker
February 24, 2020

Wait, couldn’t the same article have been written about the Ron Paul campaigns? And was written in many places….

I very much like Alex. He seems quite the civilised gentleman (an obvious redundancy!). But this silly notion about any electoral system in most Western nation states being representative of any population, outside the governing elite and their supporter/grifter networks, is downright primally stupid.

Any man, woman or beast who challenges the establishment and their banking/warfare system in the West doesn’t stand a chance.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Wes Baker
February 24, 2020

If only you people here would read more carefully!!!! It says explicitly, right under the photo: VISIT DIRECT LINK. Now, if you are good and clever boys, you will push that button and what will you find? Surprise! You will find that a person named KURT SCHLICHTER wrote this text which you all obviously do not appreciate. Please write your nasty comments to KURT SCHLICHTER in the TOWNHALL!

FOR THE THIRD AND LAST TIME: HERE IS THE LINK!!!! DAMMIT!!!!

https://townhall.com/columnists/kurtschlichter/2020/02/20/you-bernie-suckers-are-going-to-get-fooled-again-n2561582

Wes Baker
Wes Baker
Reply to  Olivia Kroth
February 26, 2020

Mea culpa maxima. I’ll let my remarks – not nasty at all – stand for the poor Kurt Schlichter. Judging by this pablum, a not very slick fellow at all.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Wes Baker
February 26, 2020

KURT SCHLICHTER has his own way of expressing things. I went to the site, TOWNHALL, and read his whole text carefully. I came to the conclusion that it is satire. He does not like Mr. Sanders, this is clear, but he does not insult his readers. When he calls them “Bernie suckers” he simply wants to say that it is futile voting for this candidate because he is not “presidential material”, for various reasons he is trying to explain – in his rather pointed way. He was successful with me. I understood what he meant. Did you understand, what he… Read more »

Danni Boyko
Danni Boyko
February 24, 2020

I read a lot of “The Duran” but this is the worst article I’ve ever read on here. Were you on drugs when you wrote this specific article?

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Danni Boyko
February 24, 2020

No, the DURAN editors are not on drugs. They reprinted a text that was written by KURT SCHLICHTER and appeared in the media TOWNHALL. The DURAN has guest authors with different opinions. Nearly every news media has this.

https://townhall.com/columnists/kurtschlichter/2020/02/20/you-bernie-suckers-are-going-to-get-fooled-again-n2561582

Fools rush in....
Fools rush in....
February 24, 2020

Fooled again? Probably. It’s the number one American pass time.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Fools rush in....
February 24, 2020

Yes, it is. The USA loves its fools. Soon they will have their elections again. It will be All-Fools-Day, like other nations have their All-Saints-Day.

Feudal Peasant
Feudal Peasant
February 24, 2020

I don’t need to say much other than I agree with you 100&. I have been thinking similar thoughts for some time.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Feudal Peasant
February 26, 2020

Feudal peasant – does this mean you are a serf? Whose serf are you, if I may ask?

oldandjaded
February 24, 2020

Funny, I agreed with the headline, but this is just trash. Alex, I am disappointed in you choosing to link to this. Its garbage. On Eric’s Bernie piece the other day, I pointed out a whole bunch of valid reasons why voting for Bernie is a suckers bet, but I posted actual REASONS. This is just venting, and its stupid.

gwynn oneill
Reply to  oldandjaded
February 25, 2020

Alex seems like a person with class. This article is vulgar trash; I can’t believe Alex linked to it.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  gwynn oneill
February 25, 2020

Why? I find the article sharp and funny, very much to the point.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Olivia Kroth
February 25, 2020

An extremely insightful article, showing the inherent stupidity of the crumpled potato sack voters.

Tjoe
Tjoe
February 24, 2020

I don’t agree with a lot of what Townhall publishes and this article is one of them. But since I’m permanently banned there by Kroll (or whatever his name is), (who absolutely hates people that don’t agree), I think I’ll get more serious about Sanders.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Tjoe
February 24, 2020

See, this is the difference between Townhall and Duran. Here nobody gets banned. Everybody may express his or her opinion, whether wise or foolish. I like that.

William H Warrick III MD
William H Warrick III MD
February 24, 2020

Sadly this is true.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  William H Warrick III MD
February 24, 2020

Wise judgment. I like your comment best. In fact, it is the only comment I really like on this Sanders Fools Hill.

Olivia Kroth
Reply to  Olivia Kroth
February 24, 2020

And just below, how fitting, we have the two presidential candidates’ photos: Donald Trump on the left, Bernie Sanders on the right (politically, it is just the opposite). Here we can see why Trump won in 2016 and will win again in 2020. The body language speaks volumes. Would you hire that shriveled looking, lip pinching, fool on the right for any kind of job? I wonder whether he really wants to become president of the USA. Maybe he just wants to get a fourth house as a gift. Then he will finally retire.

Olivia Kroth
February 25, 2020

Bravo Alex! An excellent choice! I laughed while reading, laughed from the first to the last line. This author KURT SCHLICHTER from TOWNHALL is a bomb!

Olivia Kroth
February 25, 2020

KURT SCHLICHTER ????

a name to remember, brilliant journalist at THE TOWNHALL, please link to his texts more often, dear Alex! He is very entertaining, a breath of fresh air.

Molapo
Molapo
February 25, 2020

Equating socialism with dictatorial state capitilism shows ignorance. Socialism comes in many shapes and forms. Socialists have brought decency to economic systems and have been a force of countering the hellish greed of a lot of capitalists.
An idea or a philosophy should be judged on its merits not on its abuse!

Intelligence Sources? All Candidates Are Russian Agents But Pete Buttigieg

Same, lame Russia meddling BS. Trump & Bernie react in completely different ways (Video)