Do you want $500 million in US weapons? Answer the "Moderate Syrian Rebel" Application Form

Now that Obama has unilaterally decided to give $500 million in US taxpayer money to train “moderate” Syrian terrorist rebels to fight Assad in Syria ISIS, and given the fact that just the other day the very same moderate Syrian rebels and jihadists from the ISIS signed a non-aggression pact to work together, we thought it would be helpful to bring in Andy Borowitz’s Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form, so that we can help Obama vet the good jihadists from the bad jihadists.
Now that ISIS and the moderate Syrian Rebels, (or Free Syrian Army or whatever they are calling themselves these days) are BFFs, Obama needs to be extra careful when giving over the $500 million, because the last thing we would ever want is for these “moderate” Syrian rebels to share the US money and weapons with their now aligned ISIS partners.
With that said, please answer the application form below and if you qualify, and are willing to move to lovely Iraq, then a piece of $500 million USD in military aid is waiting for you.

The Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form

References:
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-09-13/moderate-syrian-rebels-sign-non-aggression-pact-isis-iraq-defies-us
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/moderate-syrian-rebel-application-form?mobify=0