Latest, News

Tony Blair destined to repeat war crimes

Rumours that Tony Blair wants to come back to front-line British politics have been confirmed by the war criminal himself.

Its official, Tony Blair is to re-enter front line politics in Britain. I can already hear a collective sigh of hatred throughout the land. The war monger who took the labour out of the Labour Party wants to come back. He says that the Conservative Prime Minister Theresa May is a ‘lightweight’ and that Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is a ‘nutter’.

He also says that he wants to conduct a second EU referendum, though he hasn’t explained when, how or why.

But when it comes to Blair, the more interesting when, how and why refers to his desire to get back to politics. Here are some possible reasons:

Why:

Blair is first and foremost an egomaniac with a messiah complex. He’s perfected the act of pretending to answer questions whilst in reality saying absolutely nothing. He has never apologised for anything in his life and still stands by the most blatantly disastrous of his many bad decisions; the war in Iraq.

Because of this, Blair did not leave No. 10 on a high note. He left with the country hating him, his own party sick and tired of him and he was unable to travel to parts of the world where he would be immediately arrested for war crimes.

But the parts of the world he was allowed to travel to, treated him very well indeed. The corporate connections he made whilst in political power, were used upon leaving office to make Blair a very rich man. Blair lost millions of supporters and killed a million people, but he didn’t seem much to care about anything except the millions of dollars that kept flowing in.

I suppose that extreme wealth can be extremely boring. Everyone needs a hobby after all, even the rich. Richard Branson does extreme sports, Saudi princes are famous for hiring prostitutes in European cities, Ian Anderson of the band Jethro Tull rather more innocently, farms Scottish salmon. In the case of Blair, it seems that politics will be his hobby de jure.

He wants to feed his ego and apparently it takes more than cash to do that.

How:

British party politics is in a precarious position at the moment. Under the socialist leadership of Jeremy Corbyn, the Labour party finds itself split between a genuine socialist wing who supports Corbyn, and a neo-liberal wing of people best referred to as Blairites.

Even though ‘brand Blair’ is still political suicide in Britain, the things for which he stood, still have adherents in Parliament amongst Labour rebels and a small Liberal-Democrat party who seek to regroup post Brexit (not that it has happened yet).

Immediately after Brexit, I said that the possibility of a new socialist Labour party splitting with Blarites, who could either form a new neo-Liberal bloc or else join the Liberal Democrats, is a real possibility.

Meanwhile, the Conservatives are split between hard-Brexiteers, soft-Brexiteers, those who want to remain in the EU and those who will say anything to anyone at any time in order to further their own careers.

As Nigel Farage eyeballs another attempt at entering the Commons with rumours both of a Farage appointment to the House of Lords and a kind of US-UK special envoy on behalf of Donald Trump circulating both Westminster and Washington, Farage’s very real threat to an already dis-unified and ideologically bankrupt Tory party, cannot be underestimated.

Into this confused fray, Blair could try and do one of two things: he could either re-ignite the civil war in Labour that was recently settled by a second resounding Corbyn victory in the party’s leadership contest, or he could attempt to unite Labour Blairites and other prodigal neo-liberals in a new party. One could call it Tony’s Tossers, The Blair Brigade or the War Criminal List.

Unfortunately, the Monster Raving Looney Party is already registered as an official party, although I cannot think of a more appropriate name for a Blairite coalition.

When:

Hopefully as soon as possible. As someone who hated Blair from day one, this may seem a bit contradictory. Where many had to wait to see the deaths of over a million Iraqis to hate Blair, I hated him the moment his lying, cheating, grinning face from hell took over a once respectable British political party.

But I want him back for several reasons. First of all, his promises of being a pro-EU candidate whose neo-Lib/neo-Con credentials are beyond reproach, could split a Conservative party, who are quietly about to tear themselves apart over Europe. He would also demonstrate to Labour voters, that the road away from Corbyn is the road back to Tony Blair, something that the vast majority of Labour members would find completely unacceptable.

Perhaps most importantly, Blair’s attempt to return to politics would crash and burn so badly, it would make the Hindenburg disaster look like a tiny bonfire.

If the king of all neo-liberals were to be politically defenestrated in the form of total public rejection, it would hasten the decline of Blair’s warped ideology and have repercussions not just Britain but throughout Europe.

So come back Tony and come back soon. One more political failure from you is just what we need. It might also remind the public that it isn’t too late to put you on trial for war crimes.

Previous ArticleNext Article