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Medical breakthrough – new drug brings dramatic relief to Russophobia sufferers

Ricky Twisdale

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An American pharmaceutical company has just brought a revolutionary new drug to market which promises to ease symptoms for millions suffering from mental illness.

The new pill, marketed as Sovieta (Hydroantikhokholidone HCI) helps break down an enzyme called Pollacazine which researchers have found in high concentrations in the brains of chronic Russophobia sufferers.

Symptoms of the illness include, but are not limited to, paranoid ideation connected with Russia, Moscow, the Kremlin, or Vladimir Putin. Delusions of grandeur are observed in certain Eastern European populations.

Though exactly what causes the enzyme to build up is not well understood, the disease is believed to have originated somewhere in Eastern Europe. Previous outbreaks in the West occurred in the 1920s and 1950s, but the illness has made an alarming comeback in the last few years.

While doctors stress that a total cure is a some way off, subjects in clinical trials showed a marked reduction in observable symptoms compared to placebo: blaming Putin was reduced to as little as once a week in 60% of those using Sovieta.

The development comes as especially welcome for members of America’s media and political communities, who present with higher than average incidences of Russophobic disease.

Watch the TV ad for the promising new prescription drug Sovieta above – and talk to your doctor today!

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Trump to Tsipras: You're fired!

Trump completes hostile takeover of Greek government: Tsipras fired, SYRIZA-led government and MPs ousted, new elections coming.

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He’s out!
In a development catching the political world by surprise, U.S. president Donald Trump announced to the world via Twitter this morning that Greek prime minister Alexis Tsipras has been fired, effective immediately. Trump tweeted:

“Flew in to Athens this morning on AF1 and met with Alexis Tsipras. Told him “YOU’RE FIRED.” #Greece deserves better. We’re going to Make Greece Great Again.”

In a follow up tweet, Trump elaborated:

“Know all about hostile takeovers from the business world. We are not hostile towards #Greece but when leadership is failing they have to go. Must go. Tsipras has been FIRED. Make Greece Great Again! #MGGA”

In a press conference at the Maximou Mansion in Athens shortly afterward, Trump stated:

“I ran for president of the United States of America on a pledge to drain the swamp. It’s a difficult job but I’m the man for the job. The swamp has ruled Greece for far too long and it’s time to put a stop to this and make our friend and ally, Greece, great again. We are going to get down to business starting now and we will Make Greece Great Again.
My administration will get down to work, Eric [Trump] is going to be in charge of day-to-day operations and I’ll spend my weekends here, fixing this mess.
We will hold new elections and the Greek people will be freed from the swamp, which has ruled for far too long. Way too long. We know fake news is a yuge problem in Greece, except for those guys from Hellenic Insider whom I read every day. We are going to fight back against fake news. There will be no more fake news.
We are going to oust the EU and troika swamp as well. The Greek people deserve their country back. They deserve their currency back, their future back. We are going to tell the EU and the troika that they are out. They are fired. This is going to be yuge, very yuge, and we are going to bring Greece back again and Make Greece Great Again.”

When asked about the status of Alexis Tsipras and his cabinet, Trump said:

“Silly Alex Tsipras is under house arrest at this time, as are the members of his government and many members of parliament past and present. From several parties. They will be tried for their actions against the Greek people and this proud country. Greece gave us democracy, and we will bring in fresh blood, Greek blood, capable Greeks, and only Greeks, to make Greece Great Again. Tsipras is fired, little Sack O’ Lottos [referring to Euclid Tsakalotos] is fired, the inexcusable Kotzias and Kammenos are fired, they are all FIRED effective immediately. SYRIZA is out.
I know that you have had some issues with Turkey but I like to make deals. It’s called art of the deal. We are in talks to trade Tsipras and some others to Turkey for your two soldiers. We will get down to business, we will make it happen, we will Make Greece Great Again, we will bring them home.”

Alexis Tsipras keeping busy while under house arrest.


Trump also added some levity to the situation. When asked how he will handle the provisional duties of running Greece, he quipped:

Used to eat at Greek restaurants in New York all the time, learned a lot of Greek from the owners of those places. My Greek is better than Silly Alex’s English, I can tell you that. Love Greek food, loved it in New York. Can’t wait to try yours. Can’t wait. I love Olympiacos as well, yuge, yuge team. The attacks against them will stop now. The only Grexit that will happen under my watch is exiting the eurozone which has hurt you for too long. Too long. We will make your teams great again.”

Alexis Tsipras, immediately following his firing by Donald Trump at the Maximou Mansion in Athens.


Tsipras has been in a catatonic state since his firing, not unlike the condition he was in during his meeting with former U.S. president Barack Obama. Rumors on the internets have also suggested that now former defense minister Panos Kammenos, during his arrest, begged to see Trump and asked for his autograph.
Russian president Vladimir Putin was the first world leader to congratulate Trump on his takeover, in a statement released by the Kremlin on Sunday afternoon. Describing Greece as a historic friend of Russia, he stated that he looked forward to developing new and closer ties with a stronger Greece, adding his hope that this takeover will lead to a new era of more positive relations between Russia and the western world.
Relax! This is satire. Laugh, it’s good for you!

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Unhinged: Turkey's top model threatens Greece with "Ottoman slap"

Following in the proud footsteps of Turkey’s mad sultan, Turkish top model Merve Akanat declines an invitation to Athens Fashion Week, offers an “Ottoman slap” instead.

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First it was the mad sultan, Turkish president Tayyip Erdoğan, threatening the United States with an “Ottoman slap.”
When that didn’t work out exactly as planned, Turkey’s top model took up the cause.
Merve Akanat, the recent winner of the Top Model of Turkey content, stated recently that she turned down a proposal to participate in Athens Fashion Week later this month, apparently as the result of Greece’s stance towards Turkey:

“I received a proposal for the Fashion Week in Athens on March 30th. But I recently dismissed it because of Greece’s attitude towards my country.
Greece must know that we are grandson of Ottomans. We know to stretch an olive branch, but also to give an Ottoman slap wherever it should.”

The use of the expression “Ottoman slap” is not without its symbolism. What exactly is it? Here’s an explanation:

“[T]he punch was regarded as something that a woman would do, it had to be a slap to the face if you were a real man. These fighters would allegedly toughen their hands by slapping clay, bark or marble and legend has it they could crack a skull.”

It remains unclear whether Akanat’s “Ottoman slap” will be delivered directly from her own hands, with the aid of a strap, or whether mad sultan Erdoğan will be enlisted to do the honors.
Opinions expressed are those of the author alone and may not reflect the opinions and viewpoints of Hellenic Insider, its publisher, its editors, or its staff, writers, and contributors.

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It is election day in Russia

And we thought it would be interesting to collect some thoughts of the Russian people as they go to the polls today

Seraphim Hanisch

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Today, March 18th, Russians everywhere go to the voting locations to pick their candidate of choice for the President of the Russian Federation. This will be a six-year post.

A Russian friend of mine sent me this, and it seemed to capture the attitude and mood many people here feel about their own country and about the behavior of the United States. From the first meme, I found others that worked along the same lines. There are many but we included just ones with the cleanest language.

So, we hope you all enjoy it.

Translation: Let’s all go to the elections. We elected the US President. Let’s elect the President of Russia!

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